Wrap up

I worry this blog has become too hardcore as it descends further into the murk of bad pop. For the last week I’ve been pushing the line that bad pop is just as complex, inspiring and rich as more acceptable musical varieties — I maintain that this is true. But I’m getting caught in the vortex of trash, and soon I will be without a soul, potentially feeling an emptiness similar to Whitney Houston as she craves her next fix. I need to divert my attention to other things (e.g. read that Patrick White novel, buy organic vegetables, exercise, blah blah blah blah). I promise more considered posts in the future.

BUT there remain a few final things I need to share…

Inappropriate Remixes

Trashy dance remixes of power ballads promise the world, but tend not to deliver. It’s a seductive formula: combine the emotional nuance of the ballad with the driving force of house-lite, and the euphoria of peaking mid-sections. Unfortunately they’re so often produced with the subtlety and artistic dexterity of So You Think You Can Dance “contemporary” numbers. But the more inappropriate the source material is to dance transformation, the more hilarious the results can be…

Suitable for gym work and prepping for VCE exams…

For that rare Commonwealth Games-dance crossover moment — potentially Sensation New Years’ at Telstra Dome?

Titanic dance…

And the mother of all dance remixes!!! Check out the snappy editing to dance-ify Evita!! I am seriously blown away by this…

And Whitney…

I was idly youtubing “Whitney Houston Crack is Whack” and found this unsettling interview with Diane Sawyer. I think seeing someone talk about how they’re turning things around, how they’ve transcended their demons and how they’re on the comeback trail when they’re so obviously messed up touches a slight nerve. Something to do with the way we frame different points in our lives, and maybe that things might be more cyclical than we let ourselves believe. It’s as if every celebrity interview is about something bad being transcended — at every point, progress is being made with every stint in rehab, every comeback film etc. It’s rare that an interviewee narrates things in terms of “I’m really falling apart right now”. Anyway, I shouldn’t glean my life lessons from Whitney…

As much as my Kylie appreciation can be myopic, there’s still room for some critical distance. Here, for example, is a “miss” moment. Hate the song, she looks like Joan Crawford in that wig, the whole thing’s a bit lethargic, and worst of all, at times she seems dangerously close to falling off the mechanical bull… *exam*, *exam*…

As my life in 2009 starts to fall apart around me through sheer neglect, my journey of rediscovery back to 2000 continues… Doesn’t this make you feel safe? Such nice lads, with big hearts and crisp, coordinated sartorial instincts that keep leading them back to Top Man every time…

And this? I think this deserves a playlist comeback. As often discussed, this song breaks my heart, and not just because of its regressive politics. It’s just so bleak — “I don’t know how to live since you’ve been gone/ I was born to make you happy”. But I lap it up nonetheless — Max Martin really has brought so much joy to my life. If you don’t think a bizarre latin dance section adds to the teenage misery, and can do without Britters adding some breathy vocals now and then to the straight-from-CD backing track, the original can be found here.

Things I do actually like

Its ‘liquid eroticism’ has been the staple of many a house-party bump n’grind for the better part of a year now. Possibly Madonna’s Greatest. Moment. Ever.

This is hardly new either, and it smells a little of The Peel, but I’m still in love with this song, and keep going back for more. I generally love pop with a hint of utter desperation and obsession, and K singing “love me, love me, love me” while seeming so together is a great contrast (and not hard to believe either). Still shocked by her (or Biffco’s) ability to make dancefloor conquests seem so epic…

As for newer things, I love this, but I can’t decide whether it’s also a little lame (not that that’s a deal-breaker for me necessarily). I admire that they’ve hired Stuart Price, and that they’re obviously not afraid of a bit of dance influence, Mormons that they are. And the clip recalls the trashiest of 2001 Ibiza dance trash, which I think is great.

I suspect this has been floating around on her last few tours, but nonetheless it’s great to have some new material after pushing Robyn for… so… long. Sounds a little bit Spiller ft Sophie Ellis Bextor, with slightly jarring lyrics. Actually, not sure what I think but I will always give her the benefit of the doubt. Also love seeing her in NY for some reason.

And thanks to Tim for this tip. I’m always a fan of a good Sugababes statement of survival (in fact Stronger got me through many a close at Blockbuster Hartwell, back in the day) and these are some seriously great lyrics: “I’m not growing old before my time/ Even when there’s warning signs/ That consequently I can see/ The situation’s heavy, heavy”. I guess survival is understandably a key Sugababes theme, considering their ruthless and regular lineup changes.

I’m currently investigating Kerry Katona, trying to get a handle on the woman “Scarlet Delta” sidelined to get to Brian. All I know is the frozen food ads, the drunken TV interview and the fact she was in Atomic Kitten before they were famous… but now I have found this (potentially NSFW).

New arrivals

Beyonce Diva

Not completely sure about the song, but the clip is interesting if only for its eclecticism. Thankfully an extension of Single Ladies rather than the cheerfully gender-binary enforcing If I was a boy, they’ve put her in stark, strong contexts (although the abandoned warehouse is a bit of a no-brainer), and then got all William Baker on us with mannequins spilling out of cars and, confusingly, an opening sequence that echoes Kylie’s Red Blooded Woman (itslef a Crazy in Love rip-off). Inside it gets all Lady GaGa with comedy 80s shoulder pads and brutally futuristic shades. And is there some Fergie as well (in the trashy bit)? Interesting that Beyonce’s now borrowing from so many people who originally borrowed so heavily from her. But I suspect her heart’s in the ballads. Actually, have I misread this — is it supposed to be parody? Or maybe just the end-point of stylistic evolution, when it starts to veer into farce.

Katy Perry Thinking of You

I dislike Katy Perry, partly because I’ve decided for some reason that she’s homophobic. I hoped she would vanish after her novely faux-lesbian single, but alas, no, she’s hanging around, and seems to be gaining in strength in the manner of (in my head at least) some Alien-style devouring monster. Anyway, now she’s very, very straight, and in this clip, loving soldiers (more than one!). This is a big budget visual makeover for a very banal ballad which she vocally brutalises (as if Gina Riley was impersonating with marbles in her mouth). But interesting to see how much record company support she’s got behind her – the third or fourth single is always the judge of record company momentum. If some stinky ballad gets an epic clip you know she’s in favour (unlike poor Kylie who got her epic The One wasted with yet another chaeap n’ cheerful vid). Although I have a sneaking suspicion that the WWII themes are just a setup to get her into 40s bikinis – more posing that’s slightly knowing, slightly ironic, yet also slightly cheap. I can’t put my finger on it, but there’s something so conventional about Katy Perry beneath her strategic smuttiness.

A pleasant surprise to see Rose Porteous make an appearance on Failblog, right below an unfortunately dildo-shaped ET “finger light”. 

From 2000 to 2001, but not yet in 2009 and nowhere near my exam revision, I can’t tell if this is hilarious or devastating. 

Hilarious: Michael Jackson‘s godlike acknowledgement at the beginning.

Devastating: The sense that Liza’s not quite with us, savouring a comeback moment that’s not quite happening.

Hilarious: The final high note.

Devastating: When she flashes some leg.

Hilarious: When the gospel choir emerges in the background.

Devastating: A pervasive feeling of tragedy and decline.

Actually, the mention of B*Witched while I was revealing my inner pop humiliation took me all the way back to 2000 — the days of Spice Girls, Billie before she became Billie Piper, Blue, Soul Decision, All Saints, Genie in a Bottle, Spinning Around, Melanie C. A frenzied, wondrous time. So as a small tribute to this formative year, I thought I’d post a photo tribute to B*Witched’s high-concept denim costumery:

Tarzan denim

Summer of love denim

Brokeback denim

Narnia denim

Eskimo denim

I was discussing with Simon the other day how, for us, itunes is our uncomfortable telltale heart. No matter how we might explain away our musical predilections, itunes is there to soberly tap us on the shoulder and whisper ‘this is who you are, and don’t you forget it’. I’ve always seen my musical taste as democratic, imagining that unlike some people who were bound up in cool, I was unafraid to explore musical territory off limits to more squeamish types. Think B*witched.

If I liked it, I’d listen to it. Particularly pre-Spice Girls era, and in the context of school machismo this was actually the most alt you could get. When everyone else was talking loudly about Pearl Jam I was enjoying Madonna’s Like a Prayer. One reason I felt confident in my belief in pop was that my taste extended away from it too. If I could handle Kate Bush’s The Dreaming, then I must be somewhat avant garde, and at the very least well out of TTfm waters. 

But it occurred to me recently, when I was driving home *feeling* something to PCD’s I Hate This Part, that the breadth of my taste was narrowing, and it was narrowing towards pop. They say that at 30 your musical taste solidifies, which presents the real risk that I might be creepily listening to Miley Cyrus at 55. Is it that the my emotional range is shrinking? Or is PCD’s emotional range extending? If Disney truly is the new Motown, then maybe I’m just ahead of the curve?

But what does itunes have to say about the state of my musical taste? It does not lie, after all…

Top 10 most recently played:

1. [Actually I can’t bring myself to reveal this]
2. Give It 2 Me [Eddie Amador Edit) — Madonna
3. Moments of Pleasure — Kate Bush [hmm… this seems a bit depressive]
4. Erotica [Confessions tour version] — Madonna [I stand fully behind this]
5. Give It 2 Me [Paul Oakenfold Edit]– Madonna
6. The One [Freemason’s Vocal Edit] — Kylie Minogue
7. See You Again  — Miley Cyrus

8. Sunset — Kate Bush
9. Nocturn — Kate Bush
10. Human — The Killers

So there you go. My top 10 most recently played is dominanted by one of the worst albums of last year, Hard Candy, which I actively dislike but obviously compulsively crave. Actually before I fiddled with the criteria, Delta’s In This Life was my 8th most played song ever, which I absolutely do not accept. Either that’s in error (which I genuinely think it is), or else I’m some pop music version of a homophobic closeted homosexual.