Eurovision 2009

To be honest, I didn’t watch all of it because it does *go on* a bit, and the voting component seems to channel the worst of cumbersome EU bureaucracy. However, the following things seem significant, and, channeling my inner bureaucrat, I will list them using dot points:

  • The UK sucked. SUCKED. Not only did they actually bring the ghoulish Andrew Lloyd Webber on stage, but the Diane Warren-penned lyrics lazily repeated ‘It’s My Time’ ad nauseam. Eurovision is your time? Because if it was, you sucked! Neither elegant or pleasingly tacky.
  • Greece seemed to thrust a lot in white pants, which was unsettling. But the giant stapler thing was pretty cool.
  • The German had shiny pants that made him seem like he was floating. The sexual tension with Dita Von Teese seemed unconvincing.

But enough with the foreplay, because 2009 was all about the Ukraine! Seriously, this performance seemed to answer some deep, long hidden longing for a certain kind of pop magic that I never knew could feel so good. Let’s break it down. Industrial props, homoerotic centurions — the best of William Baker, Ukraine style! A suspiciously plastic and utterly disposable singer — amazing! Upside down singing (at 2.14) — transcendent! But the bit where it truly soared was when the singer, of doubtful musical ability, started banging the drums, while being wheeled on a platform by the aforementioned homoerotic centurions, surrounded by Ukrainian flags and flames. I almost jumped off the couch. Amazing.

This is very, very special.

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